December 2005

Saturday, December 10, 2005

we are...[christians]
we are straight, gay and bi. we don't know if we're sober or high, strung out or burned up. we give our lips and vaginas to a hundred men. we give our heart to no one. we over eat, under eat, forget to eat. we sleep too much, suffer insomnia and pray for a cold metal relief from life. depression, insanity, institution and chemicals to fix the instabilities.we cheat on our wives, fail to tithe and slap our children. a million business trips make us rich and push us up the ladder high enough to jump. summer heat makes us as cold as our failed conscience and winter heats the storms inside our loins. light makes us squeeze our eyes and darkness pushes them out of our head into nothing. we ignore God. we ask God why. we scream, cry, breathe but for get to pray for relief. we want joy. salvation. life. we are bound by one thing. we are His. He called, drew, purchased, purged this shit from us and took it. took everything we have become. we are alone. we are together. i am we.
posted by bekah @ 11:35 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

words from a coast
kyle is the only boy that can leave me speechless with his words. beautiful, lovely, true, so precise. i love them. i like him.our friendship is gorgeous. i need to learn to like it the way it is.
posted by bekah @ 10:29 PM 0 comments

Sunday, December 04, 2005

tears
i want to cry tonight. i'm not sure if it's that i feel used or am now realizing how rediculous this life i've led really is.i spent the weekend with brandon and crystal. we made out again last night and slept next to each other. but that's when it stops. right then and there. two times in one week, i was so excited for him to come this weekend. and it was fun, we had a cool time. but it also made me realize how badly i want that to be real life, with him, with anyone. the right anyone. i know i'm not ready. he's not in it for anything other than a few kisses. next hot girl that rolls along will be his lucky victim. i shouldn't have listened to my friends.my personality felt flat and pitiful tonight as we sat across from each other eating fried food and talking about alchohol. is that what my life is? a few drunken experiences strung together by the lips of men i barely know?i want the forever, and i still want it with kyle on some days. earl is too boring, too predictable. brandon is spicy, colorful and very short. God?
posted by bekah @ 10:22 PM 0 comments