May 2005

Sunday, May 01, 2005

thoughts on apathy
How does life do things that seem to run between my fingers, somehow escaping both logic and emotion. I"m left with thoughts, neither confirmed or denied by my feelings, left to fend for themselves. Where I should be bursting with emotion I'm asking questions. Where all my reason would normally scream "no!" I feel directionless motion. Where beautfy and pain reside with each other I now see gray. Where did I go wrong and fuck this all up? I forgot. No, I ignored. Apathy leaves a trail of blood and its affects are seen in the carnage. The blood doesn't glisten, nor is it thick. Sad and pitiful I bleed, making a mess of everything I touch. I forgot to care, forgot to be heartless. I forgot to think, forgot to feel. Now I know. Knowledge screams but understanding and will lag far behind. There is no time for them to catch up, the decesion must be made. I pause to concider the options, weigh the consequence of mistake and now I make my call.Hey...listen to me. I hate that I'm even speaking, but what's there to do? Everything is over, a shit filled waste of blood. Clean it up, at least enough so I won't slip and spash my eyes with all my blood. I'll stop walking now and wait until the blood has dried or a path is cleared. Still I know and feel nothing, but I guess it will eventually be okay.God, what the hell do I do about Ben?
posted by bekah @ 9:20 AM 0 comments