January 2005

Monday, January 31, 2005

the strange things in life
pierce is about to start dating some girl and lynda is upset. abbey just got dumped, josh is in a hurt rage, and i think there were at least a few more issues in there.chrissy called me tonight and we both cried over the fact that she's decided not to play soccer. she has kicked some serious ass in her life and she amazes me. i wanted to talk to laura today.i don't even know meg and case anymore. but i know other people. i've been honest but i'm not doing well.
posted by bekah @ 9:05 PM 0 comments

Thursday, January 27, 2005

bursting frustration
so, last night i e-mailed meg, case, kate, cam and justin to eat supper together. well....i check my e-mail right before supper and find that meg and case have changed supper time and only told justin and cam b/c meg had to work. so here i am feeling shitty, exhuasted and hungry.i walk in nearly in tears out of my anger and tiredness. they girls don't even notice. justin asked me if i was okay and later said he could tell i was almost crying. cam and justin had an akward supper with them. and the girls were so oblivious to what i had been doing. never mind this has been the ONLY thing i've been doing the past two weeks. God says to love. i'm not being very loving. but kate and i and everyone else keep getting screwed over by them and it seems that they don't even notice. i don't even care anymore. i want to tell them what i'm thinking and feeling but it wont' matter or make a difference. david and pierce are sweet. so are cam and justin. and colin and steve. and lots of other people who love me. and i still want to hug kyle. he can keep his arm around me and i won't mind.(sometimes there's smiles and sometime's there's shit.)
posted by bekah @ 6:36 PM 0 comments

Monday, January 24, 2005

i am utterly pathetic
so...again, i've been talking to kyle a bunch. as usual, online. we always talk about drinking together and talking and being rediculous. we both become poignant.he said, "goodnight sweetheart."i wanted to hug him. not quick, but for a long time and then sit next to him with a drink in hand sharing a fag he rolled.(see...i told you so)
posted by bekah @ 4:16 PM 0 comments

Saturday, January 15, 2005

my heart
my heart misses kyle. lots and lots. we miss each other.friendship. affection. memories. this summer.
posted by bekah @ 9:54 PM 0 comments

Friday, January 14, 2005

strange days
i'm happy. i'm sad. i'm dissapointed. i'm frustrated. i'm in awe. i'm creative. i'm behind.i miss how things were with pierce. i need to talk to him some more. i miss him. his laugh. i miss lots of things. i miss kyle. i want to drink vodka and spend hours talking while we smoke cigarettes from a window on a cool night. i miss being near a friend like him. i miss chenry and his hugs for no reason. i miss being curled up in a chair with him while we watch tv or sit tangled while we catch up on what we've missed the past several months. i miss justin making me think and forcing emotion behind. i miss him calling me out and pushing my thoughts and making me laugh and teasing me about boys.i miss freedom.this is pathetic. where is my joy?
posted by bekah @ 10:14 PM 0 comments