February 2005

Friday, February 18, 2005

mail from california
i got kyle's little valentine today with a short note folded around it. it made me smile and miss him and it made me want to scream and cry. because there is such a part of me that i continually suffocate that likes him as more than one of my best friends. i want more than a friendship and unfortunatly time and distance only tint my glasses a deeper rose and shade my perspection of reality and rational thinking. i'm sure if i saw him in person it would dissapate into the surround air and all would be normal, we shake hands, hug, smile and walk away the same as when we greeted each other. i've always thought it was rediculous when people dated only for the sake of seeing if "it would work out." it's a waste of time. yet, a part of me wants to know what it would be like dating kyle even when i can't tell if it would work out or not. ahhhhhhhhh. sob.
posted by bekah @ 10:31 AM 0 comments

Saturday, February 12, 2005

a wedding and friendship
i went to amber's wedding tonight. it was great and david was there. when i got back pierce asked me to a walk with him which was nice for a change. kyle's mailing me something. i'm so curious!
posted by bekah @ 10:47 PM 0 comments

Saturday, February 05, 2005

been drinking
and i want a hug from someone i actually care about. they all left. and i saw some embaressing pictures of me making out with one of my friends when drunk.life.
posted by bekah @ 10:01 PM 0 comments

screams in the sunlight
why aren't poeple allowed to scream more often. i need to, want to scream in the sunshine. it's not just the dark night and the emotions that it heightens that drives me to this, but the overwhelming sense of life i feel when hours of warmth interrupt a cold winter, rays burst past the windows and try to penetrate my bare skin. i want it to work faster, harder, deeper until my lungs are so filled with warmed breath that it has to stream out of my body and join the air around me.i want to love and be loved. i want to think deeply and purely. i want to love God, but i'm sucking at that part right now. i want all emotions and no apathy about everything. i want entertianment but never amusument for the first is far more engaging. i want my family, my friends to realize how woven into me they have become. i want to see my friends who lives far distances from me but are never more than a thought away. i want people to see and know the truth, my honesty. so much life, so much living all coupled with pain and beauty each aspect confirming that my God is real, more real than i am, confirming of my identity in Him. the next thing is always a suprise.
posted by bekah @ 11:12 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

crazy love
so many people are screwed up by love, or people they loved or by something they thought was love. maybe they were all mistaken.i should be careful of such things.friends...try it. it's good.
posted by bekah @ 10:22 PM 0 comments